Wednesday, 29 January 1862

If possible, lovelier still.

Yet, it must needs that I stay in & work: ― these 4 upper Ascension subjects try me dreadfully ― only, if I leave them I could not well enjoy going out, knowing how impossible it will be for me to move from Corfu, unless they be done & sold. So I have to reflect on the destiny of millions ― who cannot even enjoy the sun in doors as I do. A keen sense of every kind of beauty, is, I take it, if given in the extreme ― always more or less a sorrow to its owner, ― tho’ productive of good to others. ― The coming of J.G. does not aid me either, but rather the contrary. ―

Bye & bye, after several interruptions, Maude came in & what with talking, & one’s work going wrong, & the thought of dining up there with the Forts & Cravens, ― I grew over irritable, ― & now could “cry bitterly” as J.E. said. It is seldom nowadays that I am so “utterly cast down.” ― Weariness of life ― & loneliness!

Rushed out at 5, blinded & weary; ― nor seeing the hill nor sky. Met the nice Decies ― who stopped, & Sir H.J. Stokes, who stopped also. Round by Kastrades, & called at the Kokalis ― Χριστὸς is better: saw all the family. Called at the Sargents: saw no one, & home.

Dined at the Maudes. Fort & Mrs. F. next to whom I sate. Craven & Mrs. C. Maude & Mrs. M. ― Sterling ― & L. By great effort I got tho’ dinner & evening ― but with greatest difficulty. This weary work won’t do.

Fresh row between Maude & Paramythiotti about the dogs, ― wh. Maude ought not certainly to keep in the cellar.

Down in my room by 11. & penned out Kalama drawing till 12.30[.]

“Trouble on trouble ― pain on pain” ― the drain smell is beginning again. I shall not be able to live here anyhow, if anywhere in Corfû.


[Transcribed by Marco Graziosi from Houghton Library, Harvard University, MS Eng. 797.3.]

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Filed under 1862, Diary Entry

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